You're so nebulous sometimes
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Randomize
