last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
if only i could text you this smell
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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