That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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