Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
