mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
