Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
