Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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