also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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