I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
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