The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
