3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
