he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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