A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
if i can run in heels then i can drive
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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