i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
