one two three fourrrrnication!
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
