I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
