I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Randomize
