This show inspires me to have sex in space
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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