yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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