Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
