lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
