So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
