i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
it hurts more in the daytime
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
