"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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