:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
it hurts more in the daytime
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
