dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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