Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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