just tell him i said nine months
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
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