you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
