you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
