Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
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