I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
cat food counts as protein by the way
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Randomize
