i permit you to call me
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Randomize
