Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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