i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
