My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
