Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
