In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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