It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
