just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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