you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Randomize
