her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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