i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
