It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
