I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
