She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
