She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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