I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize