I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
My vagina is officially offended.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
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