Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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