She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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