So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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