I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
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