Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Success! We fucked roommates!
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
