it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
